excessive emission

I was essentially a bad arse. I got out of my car and pressed my gun against a man’s head and told him to eat the floor. From the corner of my eye I saw an armoured car and blew it up with my grenade launcher. I was essentially a narrative writer, and this caused me to pay close attention to every detail. But not today. Today I was going to be casual about everything.

Tom came careering around the corner in a Warrior pickup truck and froze someone with his industrial nitrogen gun. Cool off he said. Hi there. Don’t blow a fuse he said. We decided to bus through a campus in Oxford. Suddenly seven girls burst from wheelie bins and we despatched them with Light Machine guns. Then we hit the tank. Mike Trew was cycling on his bike but I got pissed with his arse and terminated him like a bitch.

We had already reduced some of the emissions of the city and we took shelter at The Pastilles near where the road to London used to be. Sadly I slipped on some dog muck and ended up getting pretty much ventilated. Tom picked up his shit and took out three workmen in vans with vicious Uzi fire. Don’t make me environ-MENTAL next time cackled Tom as he began digging a hole in the lawn. He liked to keep his ground skills up.

I split. Things weren’t going well. But I thought I could salvage something out of this all. So I went urban walking. No more guns I said to myself. I drop kicked a small dog over a railing. It helped me to think. Weirdly the dog’s owner came to a sticky end on the point of a bonobo’s jack knife. I chuckled until realising that I was looking at a house with fourteen bmws. I grenaded it. I can’t take the emissions anymore. They are microscopic. And everything was essentially capitalism. What will I do? I stared into a flock of birds high above. Tom had started driving a few boats from the Thames to the countryside. I walked boldly into my new environmental career. Emissions were history.